Feeling stupid...

Have you ever felt stupid in your life? I'm sure everyone does... in different area.

Last couple of weeks ago, my mom decided to clean one of my green cupboard which contains all my Galaxie magazines, Dragon Ballz comic books, and cassette tapes of my favourite artistes... and of course with some personal stuff like journal and so on. So mom told me to clear out the stuff and try to recycle those magazines.

Yeah! I did. Finally given up on all that posters & magazines of the "idols" that I've been collecting since teenage and also the lyrics that I've compiled as my own song book collection (lyrics cut out from Galaxies). 

I've come acrossed this blue diary with all the contacts and stuff that I wrote... it's dated on 1995 (when I was in Form 3). Silly stuff has been written in it, you know, things that all naive and teenage girls would do. Things about who she bump into at McD's or at Mamak stalls, who she hangs out with and so on. It got me smiling as I read it - it's really silly. Oh! And things like who I've spoken with over the phone for hours by just talking craps and hangs up the phone at 3am. Those were the days! Being the naughty one but shy on the other hand. *haha* I remembered how I always wanted to mix with naughty students cos that's where you'll look cool and you get to meet some leng chai's (1-2 years my seniors). Unfortunately, the people that I mixed with somehow don't accept me. Cos they see the goody girl in me... *haha* but they still let me hang around but not in the so called "gang" thingy.

Talking bout phones call and all... I've tried staying up late just to wait for someone's call and yet that person didn't call up at all. Feeling disappointed and guess what... I cried! Oh gosh! How naive and how... *speechless* Those were the days... really! 

What am I writing these for...?!?! Hmmm.. I have no idea... Just want to release some "silly me" out to my blog. Shame the devil maybe!

Gosh! How different it's like when you don't have God in your life!?! Imagine I didn't attend the Church that I'm attending now... I can't imagine how my life would look like now. Still wandering in the wilderness - maybe. At least when there's hiccups in my life now, I know where to turn to and to ask for guidance. Only God knows our inner self, our heart... all He ask for was to surrender all our desires, our passion, our ALL to Him and He will do the rest.

Well, talking of course its easier than doing it... cos' its like ages and we tend ignore the timing that God has set for us. God's timing may not always fits our schedule.

Argh!!! I don't know what else to say... I'm really speechless now. Can't continue my blog... guess there's no ending to this blog. Just purely releasing my anger. Damn!!! How can people be so insensitive!!!

Sorry God!!! Just can't help myself. Don't seem to have any more patience in me. You know what I mean... Just feeling tired! I'm all out!

Anyway, I'm still awake... (1:30am) watching Lady and the Tramp.. part 1 and part 2 on YouTube. Just finish part 2, it got my crying... being stubborn doesn't help to solve problem. Family is always the right place to be in. Just like the parables of the Prodigal Son.

Guess I'm talking crap now... if this blog doesn't make any sense to you... it's OK. It's not meant for you then...